From always being homesick to living abroad. May not sound very logical, but that is Zoe’s story. A very special story I might add. Because I am very proud of her for sharing her story. It just goes to show that everyone has their own challenges and that the search for happiness is a bumpy road. Here is the second part of her special story in Barcelona. You can find the first part here. My name is Zoë Lammers and I will soon be working as a project manager for a Dutch company that has an office in Barcelona. Best of both worlds if I do say so myself. Living abroad is a dream for many. Not for me, actually. But you are going to live there now, don’t you think? That is indeed true, but as they say, Rome was not built in a day and this decision was taken anything but in a day.
On unpaid leave to Barcelona
Last year, this dream became a reality. I received three months of unpaid leave from work and I left to learn Spanish. Full of enthusiasm, I boarded the plane and took delivery of the key to my temporary room in Barcelona. As I sat on the bed the realization came. What on earth am I going to do? I don’t know anyone here. I don’t have a job so how am I going to have fun? How am I going to get to know new people? I can’t do this at all. The old homesick feeling overwhelmed me and I completely panicked. Mainly due to the fact that this feeling was still there in such an extreme way that I could feel it again. Because of this I did not know what to do.
Homesickness struck hard again
A week of phone therapy session with my parents and best friends, my little brother who took me in tow with his friends (he also happened to be in Barcelona, thank God) and very, very much crying and multiple panic attacks later I recovered. My parents came to see me, friends came over, I met new people, went on dates, spoke Spanish (a little bit), forgot about work and enjoyed Spanish life. Never had I been so happy and again I had done it! I hadn’t given up! Big thanks to my family and friends and I am in your debt haha.
Living and working in Spain
A flame had been rekindled at this time, for longer living and working in Barcelona. I still had my job and I didn’t want to give it up. Eventually you quickly fall back into Dutch life and this feeling disappeared a tiny bit into the background. I changed jobs and was declared redundant in the middle of this year. That changed everything. When a friend called if I wanted to babysit her apartment in Barcelona I hesitated extremely. Again that old familiar self-sabotage and homesick feeling. Do I want this? Should I do this? But I went and again had the best two months I could have wished for. Abdominal pain and tears when I had to return to the Netherlands in August.
On to that dream job in Barcelona
The little flame that was lit last year was now a big flame and a goal for the new year. I was going to prove this to myself, you too can live and work abroad Zoë. No, I was not doing this for others, but purely for myself. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. It was not an idea that happened overnight. There were many mental breakdowns where I wanted to give up for sure, but I didn’t. This is my goal and this is what I’m going for. Because when I want something, I get it done. Through the website of WorkingRemotely.nl I found companies where you could work partly remote. This seemed perfect to me. I saw several nice vacancies and had several interviews, but unfortunately the perfect match was not among them. Then I simply searched via google for a job that was even completely abroad. I searched for Dutch companies in Barcelona.
Will it really happen then?
Many unanswered cover letters later, I took a shot with an open application. In excitement, I refreshed my email every minute of the day until I saw the email with “what a super fun and enthusiastic motivation. Let’s meet next week”. On the edge of my seat I sat. Could this be an option? Also, a said to myself: voice calm down, getting acquainted does not mean they have a job for you. During the interview, it quickly emerged that they did have a position open and the next question was when I wanted to start. Job: check! Now orienting for a house, just quietly looking around and waiting. Until an apartment came along that seemed too good to be true, but it wasn’t. Within two weeks I had a job and a house in Barcelona. You can pinch me and I’m still waiting for the catch.
But what if?
I was asked to come to Barcelona for a few days to spend a day with the company and be at the Christmas party. 16 degrees and full sun, I didn’t turn down that offer. A lovely apartment, nice roommates, catching up with friends, everything was right. Except for the feeling. I came here “home” the previous times and it felt different now. Am I kidding myself? Did I even want this? Why do I want this? I don’t dare and find it mega scary. Of course again the message in the family whatsapp with “I am homesick” and the nicest and most familiar answer “it will be fine, you can do this”. I am now almost with tears in my eyes again as I write this. Because I also know that it will be okay, that I can do this and that I have all the support of my wonderful, nicest, sweetest family and friends. My support system. So now I’m sitting here, in Barcelona. Around the corner from my new apartment with a café con leche in the sun. Writing this piece and starting in the new year I will be living and working in Barcelona. The city where it all started in 2011 and where I will return 14 years later to continue this adventure.
It is not bad to be homesick
What I would really like to pass along to anyone reading this who may also be struggling with the wonderful world of homesickness is that you are not weird, different or strange. Take it one step at a time and give it time. Even if it doesn’t come, that’s totally okay and above all don’t feel any pressure in that. It came to me myself when I had found peace in the fact that it is okay not to have to live abroad and that peace and space allowed me to discover a new version of myself. So please don’t feel pressure, because that is so unnecessary.
Choose your own path in life
I personally find it very difficult when people give unsolicited advice and social media contributes a lot to this. People travel, have a great time abroad and it all ‘has to’ be so necessary. So I definitely don’t want this to be an article like that and even less do I want to write this to let people know that I did it too. What I would like to say with my story is that if you have this dream you should go after it. And that it can turn out beautifully. But that if you don’t have this dream, it’s okay too.
Live your life the way you want, but don’t expect it all to come to you. Because just finding a job and house abroad is not an easy job. But neither is it impossible! I am living proof of that.
Regularly I have had the feeling of going head over heels and found it difficult to discuss this. Also because it is a feeling I think people don’t fully recognize or can’t place. If you think I want to chat about this or if you want to hear more of my experiences, you can always send me a message. Who knows, maybe there will be a sequel in which I tell about my new life in Barcelona.
Do you also want a job where you can work remotely?
Are you also looking for a job where you can work remotely? On our jobs page you will find Dutch companies that temporarily embrace remote working. Note that this is not fully remote, but you do have the freedom to occasionally work from a different location.
