From always being homesick to living abroad. That may not sound very logical, but that is Zoe’s story. A very special story, I might add. Because I am very proud of her for sharing her story. It just goes to show that everyone has their own challenges and that the search for happiness is a bumpy road. Here is the first part of her story about her adventure in Barcelona. My name is Zoë Lammers, I am 28 years old and I will soon be working as a project manager for a Dutch company that has an office in Barcelona. Best of both worlds if I do say so myself. Living abroad is a dream for many. Not for me, actually. But you are going to live there now, don’t you think? That is indeed true, but as they say, Rome was not built in a day and this decision was taken anything but in a day.
Homesickness: the controller of your life
Homesickness, something that haunted me in my younger years and still does at times. I used to be “that girl with homesickness. Never did I sleep over at friends’ houses, stay with the neighbors a door away or go on school trips. School camps were hell on earth. Then to think that in the first grade of high school you go to school camp to get to know each other. I can tell you they never forget me at that school and well not necessarily because of the fantastic first impression… I was weird, different from others, an outsider. Therapies, psychologists, family doctors, alternative medicine, my parents tried everything to help me get over my homesickness. Nothing helped. Then came the moment in havo 5: the school trip abroad. For me a no go, but if I had to choose I wanted to go to Barcelona.
An exciting trip to Barcelona
I came across NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and decided to give it all one more chance. The goal: the Barcelona trip with school. If this didn’t work I gave up and would learn to live with this. But giving up was actually not an option, as it often is with me. Igor came to our house (Igor if you are reading this, I am eternally grateful to this day) and he would get rid of my homesickness in 5 sessions. Sure, all the above things had not helped and you can do this in 5 sessions…it’s bound to happen. After 4 sessions, the words “you are ready for the Barcelona trip” came up. Still I thought: it will happen, first see then believe.
A few weeks later we left for Barcelona and the first night was another hell on earth. Fortunately, I had my best friend by my side who supported me in this and knew this piece of me. In addition, I had my parents whom I got to drive crazy over the phone again. One night lasted, that was it. The days that followed were fantastic. I had just done it! Going abroad without my parents and with more or less no homesickness! All this was the start of staying with friends, going on vacation, living on my own in Breda and later in Amsterdam. Sure this went well at times and homesickness never goes away and somewhere that is actually quite beautiful. My parental home is and will always be my safe space. This is where I come home and it will always remain so.
Homesickness, how does it work?
Homesickness has different forms and no one form is better or worse than the other. For a long time I was ashamed, secretly sometimes still am, that I always longed for my parents and their home. After all, you have to live your own life and separate from your parents. On the other hand, I am now at a point where I am okay with it. If I can unwind there and break free from the daily grind, why shouldn’t I be comfortable with this. Maybe I am a mommy/daddy child and so what! This is my homesickness and I have fully embraced it. If you want to live with me, you get the homesickness for free.
With me, it comes from unconditional love for people and a place, so take advantage of it 😉
Where there is a dream, there is often a way
Now back to this story. As I said, I never dreamed of living abroad, because: homesickness. Sure, I was jealous of people who packed their bags and just left, purely because I wanted to, but I knew it was not possible. Besides, things came my way in the Netherlands that made me not think for a moment about letting that go. In addition, I had found peace in the fact that this was a piece of me and what would not go away. This peace gave me peace and dispelled the insecurity about being different. After all, I was just going on vacation for 3 weeks without effort, so who cared.
Until suddenly there was that moment with my parents in the garden during corona period ‘I want to learn Spanish in Barcelona’. Besides the fact that everyone, including myself, was extremely surprised by this statement, there was also a lot of admiration and also a lot of questions. Most of them from within myself. How was I going to do this with work? Did I really want this? Then why Barcelona? Am I really going to take this in stride and prepare further? Lots of questions and few answers yet, but that came later. This was now something I was going to dream about. For the first time in years, I dreamed of living abroad. Specifically Barcelona.
How to move forward?
I have regularly had the feeling of going under and found it difficult to discuss this. Also because it is a feeling which, in my opinion, people don’t fully recognize or can’t place. If you think I want to chat about this or if you want to hear more of my experiences, feel free to drop me a line. My Instagram is Zoe Lammers. In the next blog soon you will read the continuation of Zoe’s special story. Would she really go to Spain then? Curious about more experiences from other people about adventures abroad? Then read more blogs from other travelers.
